My friends, they love my intelligence
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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