I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
