I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
