Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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