No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
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