You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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