ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
