I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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