I need help removing her.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
