You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize