Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
