Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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