She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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