My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
