Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
