the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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