You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
