I'm going to jail i love you
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
