watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
