It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
