Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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