Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
