9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
