Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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