Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize