im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
