jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
