So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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