so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
