Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
