hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
please come you make the beer taste better
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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