can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
