Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
