By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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