Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
