You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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