Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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