Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
