um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
