I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
