my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
