I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
