oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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