I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Come on in and take your pants off
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