and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She bit a glass in half.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
