I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The struggles of a small town man whore
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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