so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
