I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
