Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
