i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
