3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am midnight drunk by noon
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
