I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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