hotel room ftw
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
