dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
