I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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