Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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