Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
