yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
