We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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