Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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