I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
