Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
where are you?
Hypothermia
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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