did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
