I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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