he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
