I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
