I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
