Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
