hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
