Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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