we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
