hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
