aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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