Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
