I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize