3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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