i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
