Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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